I've wanted to start blogging for quite some time now. But I needed some inspiration. And I finally found it: My 3-year-old niece, MacKenzie. The sh!t that comes out of her mouth is unreal. She is smart, witty, upfront, and for real. Unlike anyone I know. And one of my favorite people in the world. I am entertained by her everyday. Now it's your turn.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I Tricked Her.

Kenz: Come here, Mimi. I have to tell you something.

Auntie Steph: Secrets don't make friends.

Kenz: It's not a secret. It's a special word.

Kenz leads Mimi into her bedroom. She locks the door and slams it shut with Mimi on the inside. Then comes and sits with Auntie Steph at the table.

Kenz: I tricked her.


Friday, January 4, 2013

The Kid is Boss.

Kenz: Mimi, Can I say a swear word?

Mimi: Okay, Kenz. But only to me.

Kenz: Mim, You're an asshole!


Friday, December 21, 2012

No One Saw, Mim.

Lu packs a Kit-Kat in Kenzie's lunchbox. Kenz comes home from school.

Kenz: MOM! I'm not allowed to bring candy to school.

Lu: So what did you do with your Kit Kat?

Kenz: I just ate it when no one was looking.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Stuck. In Her Own Head.

Kenz: Are we almost there?
Kenz: Cause I'm stuck in my head and I'm tired of being here.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Auntie Steph: She's a Big Girl

Lauren: Steph called and said she's going to the farmer's market now, so if you want to go, you better hurry up.

Mimi: What?! I'm not ready yet. I haven't even brushed my teeth.

Kenz: Mim, it's okay. You don't have to go if you don't want to. Auntie Steph is a big girl and she can go by herself.

Monday, July 18, 2011

You Look Fat in Those Pants

Mimi: It's time to get out of the bathtub. I'm getting dressed and we're going to the car wash.
Kenz: Well I'm not getting out of the tub until you ARE dressed.

[Mimi gets dressed]

Kenz: Mimi, you look fat in those pants.
Mimi: Really? Daddy says I don't look fat.
Kenz: Hmm. Do you have attitude?
Mimi: Major attitude now that you said I look fat in these pants.
Kenz: Well. You still do.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Your WHAT?!

[Lauren's jeans are too tight]
Lauren: Look at this, Steph.
Steph: Welcome to my life.
Kenz: Welcome to my hell.

Monday, July 11, 2011

You're Welcome

Mimi: If you get the least bit crazy, you're going to bed.
Kenz: NO! You are!
Mimi: I'd be happy to, thank you.
Kenz: You're welcome.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Kenz Only Has Two Hands

Shopping for Soda

Mimi: Kenz, what kind of soda do you want for the party?
Kenz: Grape for me, orange for Jack.
Kenz: Perfect! Grape for me and orange for Jack and gingerale for Mimi and Mama and everyone else can drink water.

Dad Breaks the Lamp

Kenz and Dad, jumping on the bed. Cue crash.

Mimi: What happened?
Kenz: It's not my fault, it's not my fault.
Mimi: I know it's not your fault. It's okay.
Kenz: [pointing finger at Dad] Mark, I'm so pissed that you broke the fucking lamp.